The Domestic Godless


The Coconut or Red Palm weevil (Rhynchophorus ferrugineus F.) is a well-known pest among the coconut farmers of western India. Commonly, the female will lay between 200 and 300 eggs in the trunk of the palm, where the newly hatched larvae will digest the inner core of the tree causing its eventual demise.


There is one particular sub-species however, (Rhynchophorus ferrugineus V.), with its long snout, that can smell coconut from a distance of several miles and will attempt to lay its eggs in any potential host exuding the aroma of coconut.


This is not good news for the indigenous Cochin Macaque who also favour the coconut highly as a part of their diet.


More so, some coconuts left unharvested will start to ferment, creating a relatively intoxicating liquor within the shell. The obvious consequence, is that many macaques, drunk on this juice, misjudge their leap from palm to palm and fall into the path of oncoming traffic on the busy highways of Kerala and Goa. The resulting road-kill now become host to the opportunist weevil. And here the recipe begins...




1. You must stuff every orifice of your monkey (advisably in a well ventilated area), with sweet herbs. It is through these herbs that the larvae will appear in a few days.



2. Prepare your coconuts, one for each emerging larva, by making a small aperture in the top and pouring out the liquid.



3. Drop one maggot into each coconut. Over a period of four weeks, the larva will eat the soft flesh of the coconut and grow to the size of a large hamster. When you shake the coconut and no longer hear the thing hitting the sides, you know that it's ready.



4. Carefully break open the shell and throw your maggot onto a smoking hot griddle, just for a minute or two, until it browns evenly on all sides.


Serve warm with a glass of Alsatian Gew├╝rztraminer.